Vision over Duty
Vision over Duty
I have been guilty recently and have attributed my movement to a sense of duty. It sounds like this:
“Less feeling and more doing.”
“I'm being obedient and pressing on.”
“I will suffer and do because I believe that is what the Lord is calling me to.”
Consider instead being motivated by a vision. It may sound like this:
“I am compelled to move towards what I see God creating.”
“I am at the same time where God wants me, and moving where he wants me.”
“I will take the next right step, trusting that God is guiding me.”
“I can see clearly without having clarity.”
The main difference between these 2 forms of motivation is this: Duty is focused on you and your work, your sense of doing, and your accomplishment of the duty. Duty feeds your pride.
Vision is about following. Vision is about listening and responding.
Consider your walk with Jesus. Are you moving towards a vision, or are you dutifully following the rules? Are you being led by his Spirit, guiding you moment by moment with his gentle touch or whisper? Or are you eyes set firmly on a predetermined end with which you are unwavering in your pursuit?
Be quiet and listen. Wait. Turn your eyes and your full attention to Jesus and allow him to fill you with himself. Then, from this place, consider what is in front of you. Take this to him in prayer and make the decision for that time. This is what it looks like to walk in step with Jesus.
Trust the Lord, if you dare.
4/28/25
This afternoon, I sat at this computer and texted just about everyone I knew. Some people I hadn’t connected with in years. But I texted them anyway.
That’s out of character for me, by the way. I felt a little off doing it. And, at the same time, I believe the work I’m beginning is worth it. I think people need to know I’m here—ready to step into whatever it is they need.
This is work I’ve done before. Many of my friends know that. Some even asked why I’m deciding to re-enter this space.
So I thought it might be worthwhile to share what God has been doing in me. Maybe that will shed some light on the “why.”
About six months ago, Emily and I decided it was time for me to begin planning life after African Leadership. Since 2023, I’ve worked in various roles at AL. But ultimately, we both knew it wasn’t my long-term place.
I love so much about African Leadership and the people there. Emily and her team are doing life-changing work. The time I’ve spent (and will continue to spend) in Africa has shaped me—and my family—forever.
And (always “and,” not “but”… it’s both), that is not the work God is calling me to do.
So in January, I set out on a mission to figure out what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I had really only one box to check: I wanted to make money.
I’ve never tried to make money. For the last 10 years, Emily has been the breadwinner. I figured it was my turn. I want to provide for my family, and to me, that means making money.
I began reaching out to friends (all of whom I texted today), searching for the connection that would lead to my next great job.
I had visions of working in sales, healthcare, tech, and real estate. I interviewed for a couple of jobs (they hired from within, FYI). I had countless coffees and lunches.
I have to say—my community showed up big time. I felt cared for, and I was confident I would find the perfect job.
The perfect job.
You know, the job that lets you make as much money as you want, while using all your God-given talents, with plenty of time for your family, and—of course—you’re passionate about it.
Because we’re supposed to do what we love, right? Supposed to have a passion. Supposed to pursue it. And if we work hard enough, long enough, we’ll be rewarded.
It’s just… there was a problem.
For the life of me, I could not tell you what I was passionate about.
I could tell you what I used to love (music), but now? I didn’t have a clue.
My heart wasn’t dead, but it was definitely missing.
And just to be clear—I had no idea this was the case.
I had decided to pursue real estate. I had signed up for classes and narrowed down a couple of broker options.
I was ready. And I was going to kill it.
deep sigh…
Then Friday, April 4th happened—three days after my 41st birthday.
I had a scheduled call with a coach I’d met back in January. He was helping me work through the process—find vision, make a plan.
I was excited to tell him what I’d decided: Real Estate.
I was going to make my money and sail off into the sunset.
We got on our 9am call and I gave him the full rundown.
When I finished, he just looked at me through the computer screen.
He glanced off to the side, then back at me, and said:
“I am not enrolled in that idea at all.”
Huh???
What do you mean you’re not enrolled? What kind of weird coaching talk is that?
He pressed in:
“What are you passionate about? What do you love? You’re this guy full of energy and life, and yet when you talk about this… something feels missing.”
I was stopped in my tracks.
Dang it. He saw me.
I knew something was missing. I didn’t want to admit it.
Because then I’d have to deal with it.
But when I said out loud, “I’m going to sell real estate,” it didn’t sound right.
I didn’t know what else there was.
I had no clue. I was forcing the issue.
I was searching for anything—because I had nothing.
The bathtub was empty and I needed a bath.
So I filled it with the first thing that seemed like water and was about to jump in.
Let’s pause here.
There’s nothing wrong with selling houses. Or tech. Or insurance. Or any of it.
I could have done it. Part of me will always wonder.
But what happened on that call with Garland (the coach dude who called me out… read more HERE) is that I stopped.
I stopped, and I asked myself:
Who am I serving?
What am I looking for?
Money? Success?
Both good things.
But in that moment, God made something clear:
I was leading this charge—not Him.
I was looking for my thing.
I was calling the shots.
I was making the decision.
And He reminded me—I’m really bad at that.
The shortest way to say it is:
God called me back to Himself.
God said a few things clearly to me:
Rob, you seek Me, and I’ll do the rest.
Rob, you’ll find your joy, passion, excitement, and fulfillment in Me—not in a job.
Rob, stop worshiping money and provision. That’s My job, not yours.
Rob, trust Me. Please, trust Me.
Trust God?
I don’t think I even trust myself.
Maybe that’s a good thing? I’m still learning.
But trusting God—there is power there.
So I made up my mind to give it a shot.
I would trust God.
I would stop building whatever tower I was building and wait. And listen.
I cancelled my real estate classes.
God met me there.
I asked Him to make my phone ring. That happened too.
I started spending more time with Him. Quiet. Listening. Reading. Writing.
But mostly… listening.
He met me there.
Each day since, I’ve kept doing this.
And each day, I’ve made the decisions that were in front of me.
On July 1, I’ll officially be done at African Leadership. Today, I officially re-launched my counseling practice. I believe this is what the Lord wants me to do. He is giving me peace. He’s giving me excitement. This is excitement I’ve never had! I know I have something powerful to offer. And I’m trusting the Lord.
I’m trusting the Lord.
Emily is trusting the Lord.
If He wants me here, He will provide what we need.
I want to do this out loud.
I want you to know what is happening.
I want to proclaim His goodness when He provides.
And I want you to be a part of it.
So… that’s how I got to today.
Well… at least the last few weeks.
More to come.
Turn Your Face
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face.
And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of his glory and grace.
I sang these words many times as a kid growing up at First Baptist Church Jackson, MS. I have to say it’s one of my favorite hymns. But not until this month have these worlds begun to mean so much. With our house flooding, my questions about work, money, and my future, God has continued to ask only one things of me. That is to turn my face to him. Go to him. Be with him. Seek him. Sit with him. Walk with him. Talk to him. Listen to him. Move with him. Stop with him.
Passion and Obedience
This past week the basement in my house was filled with 7 feet of water. As I lay on the floor of the living room at 5 in the morning listening to the water rush in, I was overcome with a sense of helplessness. I wept. I was afraid. I was mad. I was completely out of control. Not like “crazy to of control”. I mean, I had no control. You can’t stop water. You can move it to the side, but it will flow.
We spent the next couple of nights at a friend’s house. During this time it rained more. I had to come to terms with the idea that our house may float away… or end up with water all in it. We didn’t know what would happen. I hated every minute of it.
The day after the flood I had a call with a coach I’ve been working with since January. I filled him in on all the career choices I had settled on. I was going to sell real estate and make a ton of money. I had goals and ambition and I was going to do it.
He looked at me, shook his head, and ask, “What about your heart? What do you love? What are you passionate about?”
“I don’t think that matters anymore.” I told him. “I buried my heart a long time ago. Now its about provision and taking care of my family.”
And I wasn’t wrong. But with this comment I opened up a door to my past that I had not opened in a very long time…if ever. Since I left music, I can say that I have wondered around, somewhat aimlessly. I’ve loved 2 things in my life… my whole life: baseball and music. Once music took center state when I was about 17, there was no looking back. I put everything into my music. I pursued it endlessly. I knew what I wanted and I went for it. I was full of passion and excitement. And eventually, I got almost everything. Awards, tour busses, massive audiences, acclaim, money… you get the idea.
But in the process, I changed. In many ways I stopped engaging my heart. I began using drugs and alcohol to ease my discomfort and keep the party going. I had a lot of fun, but I had very little meaning or depth. As I saw it, my heart, or my passion, had led me to a dead end. And it hurt, a lot.
Back to my conversation with my coach last week… he asks me about my heart, about my passion and I decided to be curious about this.
I remembered back to when I first fell in love with music. Back in high school. When I would play piano for hours. I loved it. It was beautiful and moving. I decided I would open that part of me up again. But this time, it will be different. This time, I decided to place my passion and my hope in Jesus.
You see, what I have learned is that my desire, my passion, and my heart, can be easily swayed. If I am not centered and anchored to Christ, then my heart can lead me anywhere. So, what does it look like to pursue Jesus, and allow his passion to fill me? How do I know what to do and what I love? How do I learn to love what he loves and be passionate about what he is passionate about?
I think our language needs to change. I think we need to move away from the idea of “following your heart”. We need to follow Jesus.
We need to move away from “doing what you’re passionate about” and move towards being passionate about Jesus.
Do you see the difference? My obedience will lead me to my passion. My pursuit of Jesus will lead me to love. I will be filled in this way. I will find peace and hope and purpose here. So what must I do?
I must stop and listen. I must seek HIM. I must be still. I must read the Bible. I must I must I must. I must turn my face to him every minute of every day and ask over and over for HIS guidance.
Through this process I have found my way here… back into the counseling space. I am pursuing relationships that align with what I believe God is asking me to do. I do not feel that excited. What I feel is peace.
I am sure there is more to this. I am sure God is just getting started but I want to keep notes on this journey.
Go and read when God called Moses. Read when Jesus prayed before he was arrested. Read about Jonah and Abraham an Isaac. God is always asking us to do things we don’t feel like doing. I think this matters. GO and sit with Jesus and see what that feels like. Then wait for him to show you the way. Ask for him to show you the way. Ask and he will make it clear. For he knows what you need.
WTF
I turn 41 tomorrow…and I think I can officially say that I’m in what some may call a “midlife crisis”. I always brushed off the thought of a midlife crisis. Of course, I had not made it to midlife. Now that I’m here, or at least close to what might be here, I can say that it really sucks.
What sucks about it Rob? I’m glad you asked.
I have done a lot in my life. I have pursued dreams and achieved many of them. I have stories to tell, and memories that I cherish. I have gone places and experience things that most would never dream of. I have lived my life.
And now… I’m here. I’m sitting at a desk in an office in Brentwood, TN. I’ve chosen to be here. And I have chosen to leave, which is what I’ll be doing in a couple of months. So, I’m in transition. In the past, transition has been exciting and freeing. Today, it feels empty. I don’t remember the last time I got excited about something. I feel like I’ve lived my life, and I’ve done my part, and now, I’m just wondering what’s next. What do I have to offer? What value do I bring now? I don’t have skills that equate to corporate advancement or success. I’m not a business man, or a salesman, or a tech man. I have an advanced degree in a field that I have mixed feelings about (therapy) and most of my experience is in a field that offers very little by way of compensation or certainty.
I have found myself in a position for the first time. New territory, which I usually find invigorating. Today, I find frustrating. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t have a plan. I don’t have a vision. Jeeeeez….
Where did it go? Where did my joy go? Where is my love for life and what it could be?? How have I morphed from someone so full of excitement, hope, and enthusiasm, into someone who is bogged down, directionless, and angry about it. WTF???
Is this what it feels like to follow Jesus?
In my desire to press on, I have made some moves.
I reached out to Beth, my long time friend and co-runner of Porter’s Call. I also signed up to get my real estate license.
Porter’s Call is a place where I believe I can contribute something meaningful. I can be a part of a team that is doing good work. I can use my skills, experience, and wisdom to help others. I can guide, or as they say, Porter.
But Portering doesn’t pay much. This is where my frustration lay.
So, in an effort to soothe that frustration, I’m considering real estate. My thought is that I can use those same skills to help people transition through the process of buying or selling a home. On paper, it could work. In reality, its a dark, deep, hole and I’m committing to slowly repel down. I don’t know what I’ll find.
Down we go.
Moving towards fear.
Thought I knew a lot about this… have recently found out, I know nothing (insert clip from Bluey: “Dad, what’s your name?” “Dad” “What am I touching?” “Nose” “What am I holding?” “Nothing” “Dad, knows, nothing… hehehehehe.”
Today I asked myself why I am writing this in a public place? 1st off, I seriously doubt anyone will ready this. At least not in the near future. I don’t know how many people visit my website… I don’t check the data. Second, I find myself motivated when I believe what I”m experiencing is shared. Not sure why we hide so much. I mean, I do know why, so I’m trying not too. This feels like a safe space. Sure, take a look inside my journal. I’m probably going to write a song bout it anyway. Why not have all the musings about it available for consumption as well?
So here I am today.
Hung out with my friend Tyler. he did not give me permission to use his real name, but he’s also not going to read this so he’ll never know… as long as you don’t tell.
Brought him up to speed on my current direction with music: my belief that God is pushing me back into the industry. Back into the community and the relationships that I left almost 9 years ago. however, this time doing it differently. 1. not alone. 2. with intention and purpose 3. being compelled by God through obedience and faith and not through forced or aimless self-indulgence.
Tyler listens well. He is a good listener and if you know me at all, I need good listeners around because I need a pretty large wall for all my words. i.e. this space.
I got all my words out and left Tyler’s place. It was maybe 43 seconds away when it hit me. I feel it in my stomach. I can actually feel it a little right now. The feeling could be described many ways. Its tight. I bet my watch would say I’m stressed. It is sorta like nervous, but with less excitement. Sorta like guilt, but with less numbness. Shame and fear. Fear for sure. Definitely feeling like I did something wrong. Definitely afraid I’ve messed up. and then the stories start FLYING. How cow I can make up some stories. Today’s headlines were mostly around how I don’t belong in the music industry. how I’m not as good as I think I am. How I will never find my place and those who are already entrenched don’t want me there. I don’t have anything to offer. I used to be good, but now I’m just old. I don’t even have a place to write. Dare I go on??!?!
Here I what I’m noticing. In the past, I hated these feelings so much that I simply avoided any interactions or circumstances that could potentially cause them. For several years I wouldn’t even jog or drive down music row because of how it made me feel. I picture Jenny from Forrest Gump seeing her old childhood home for the first time since she left. and what did she do? She threw rocks at it.
I was hurt by, through, and because of the music industry. Some of my own doing and some simply by proxy. I because someone I hated when I was there. and now, it’s as though I’m walking back up to the front door and knocking, quietly asking if I can come back in.
Today with Tyler was another visit to the front porch. I looked in the windows some. Smelled something good coming out of the kitchen, then said goodbye and drove away. I wonder if I’ll go in? I wonder if I’ll stay? I wonder if they have a room? A friend? A warm fire in the fireplace?
I wonder who all lives there now? Did they see me wondering around?
Do they know about the loose 3rd step that creaks at night
Have the found the box of cards I hid
Have they painted any walls or did they leave it just as it is.
Yeah I went back to that old house.
Just to see if it’s still there.
I went back to see what I would feel.
It looks smaller now that it did back then
The house I grew up in.
rob