WTF
I turn 41 tomorrow…and I think I can officially say that I’m in what some may call a “midlife crisis”. I always brushed off the thought of a midlife crisis. Of course, I had not made it to midlife. Now that I’m here, or at least close to what might be here, I can say that it really sucks.
What sucks about it Rob? I’m glad you asked.
I have done a lot in my life. I have pursued dreams and achieved many of them. I have stories to tell, and memories that I cherish. I have gone places and experience things that most would never dream of. I have lived my life.
And now… I’m here. I’m sitting at a desk in an office in Brentwood, TN. I’ve chosen to be here. And I have chosen to leave, which is what I’ll be doing in a couple of months. So, I’m in transition. In the past, transition has been exciting and freeing. Today, it feels empty. I don’t remember the last time I got excited about something. I feel like I’ve lived my life, and I’ve done my part, and now, I’m just wondering what’s next. What do I have to offer? What value do I bring now? I don’t have skills that equate to corporate advancement or success. I’m not a business man, or a salesman, or a tech man. I have an advanced degree in a field that I have mixed feelings about (therapy) and most of my experience is in a field that offers very little by way of compensation or certainty.
I have found myself in a position for the first time. New territory, which I usually find invigorating. Today, I find frustrating. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t have a plan. I don’t have a vision. Jeeeeez….
Where did it go? Where did my joy go? Where is my love for life and what it could be?? How have I morphed from someone so full of excitement, hope, and enthusiasm, into someone who is bogged down, directionless, and angry about it. WTF???
Is this what it feels like to follow Jesus?
In my desire to press on, I have made some moves.
I reached out to Beth, my long time friend and co-runner of Porter’s Call. I also signed up to get my real estate license.
Porter’s Call is a place where I believe I can contribute something meaningful. I can be a part of a team that is doing good work. I can use my skills, experience, and wisdom to help others. I can guide, or as they say, Porter.
But Portering doesn’t pay much. This is where my frustration lay.
So, in an effort to soothe that frustration, I’m considering real estate. My thought is that I can use those same skills to help people transition through the process of buying or selling a home. On paper, it could work. In reality, its a dark, deep, hole and I’m committing to slowly repel down. I don’t know what I’ll find.
Down we go.
