Passion and Obedience
This past week the basement in my house was filled with 7 feet of water. As I lay on the floor of the living room at 5 in the morning listening to the water rush in, I was overcome with a sense of helplessness. I wept. I was afraid. I was mad. I was completely out of control. Not like “crazy to of control”. I mean, I had no control. You can’t stop water. You can move it to the side, but it will flow.
We spent the next couple of nights at a friend’s house. During this time it rained more. I had to come to terms with the idea that our house may float away… or end up with water all in it. We didn’t know what would happen. I hated every minute of it.
The day after the flood I had a call with a coach I’ve been working with since January. I filled him in on all the career choices I had settled on. I was going to sell real estate and make a ton of money. I had goals and ambition and I was going to do it.
He looked at me, shook his head, and ask, “What about your heart? What do you love? What are you passionate about?”
“I don’t think that matters anymore.” I told him. “I buried my heart a long time ago. Now its about provision and taking care of my family.”
And I wasn’t wrong. But with this comment I opened up a door to my past that I had not opened in a very long time…if ever. Since I left music, I can say that I have wondered around, somewhat aimlessly. I’ve loved 2 things in my life… my whole life: baseball and music. Once music took center state when I was about 17, there was no looking back. I put everything into my music. I pursued it endlessly. I knew what I wanted and I went for it. I was full of passion and excitement. And eventually, I got almost everything. Awards, tour busses, massive audiences, acclaim, money… you get the idea.
But in the process, I changed. In many ways I stopped engaging my heart. I began using drugs and alcohol to ease my discomfort and keep the party going. I had a lot of fun, but I had very little meaning or depth. As I saw it, my heart, or my passion, had led me to a dead end. And it hurt, a lot.
Back to my conversation with my coach last week… he asks me about my heart, about my passion and I decided to be curious about this.
I remembered back to when I first fell in love with music. Back in high school. When I would play piano for hours. I loved it. It was beautiful and moving. I decided I would open that part of me up again. But this time, it will be different. This time, I decided to place my passion and my hope in Jesus.
You see, what I have learned is that my desire, my passion, and my heart, can be easily swayed. If I am not centered and anchored to Christ, then my heart can lead me anywhere. So, what does it look like to pursue Jesus, and allow his passion to fill me? How do I know what to do and what I love? How do I learn to love what he loves and be passionate about what he is passionate about?
I think our language needs to change. I think we need to move away from the idea of “following your heart”. We need to follow Jesus.
We need to move away from “doing what you’re passionate about” and move towards being passionate about Jesus.
Do you see the difference? My obedience will lead me to my passion. My pursuit of Jesus will lead me to love. I will be filled in this way. I will find peace and hope and purpose here. So what must I do?
I must stop and listen. I must seek HIM. I must be still. I must read the Bible. I must I must I must. I must turn my face to him every minute of every day and ask over and over for HIS guidance.
Through this process I have found my way here… back into the counseling space. I am pursuing relationships that align with what I believe God is asking me to do. I do not feel that excited. What I feel is peace.
I am sure there is more to this. I am sure God is just getting started but I want to keep notes on this journey.
Go and read when God called Moses. Read when Jesus prayed before he was arrested. Read about Jonah and Abraham an Isaac. God is always asking us to do things we don’t feel like doing. I think this matters. GO and sit with Jesus and see what that feels like. Then wait for him to show you the way. Ask for him to show you the way. Ask and he will make it clear. For he knows what you need.
